this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
