I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
