she peed on how many people?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
