Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
