is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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