you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
