Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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