Whatcha textin bout Willis?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
