She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
