You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
