thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
