I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
