There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
