I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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