We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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