one two three fourrrrnication!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
