Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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