btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
