Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
