Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
