no, he came in my armpit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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