It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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