I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
