That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
