Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
3 2 1 whiskey
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
