So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
