He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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