I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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