Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't notice because vodka
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
