My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize