you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
