No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
