dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize