he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
