Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
