roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
