Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
