Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
