Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize