I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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