He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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