capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
