i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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