And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
