so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Princesses don't give blow jobs
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
