my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
