Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
