Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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