He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
