i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
