Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
