I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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