my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize