it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like abortions should bother me more
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
