bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
