We're facebook friends in real life
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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