Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Randomize
