can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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