If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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