if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
