I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
