I'm going to jail i love you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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