The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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