I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
