I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
