how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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