THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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