Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
