well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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