this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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