Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
