Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize