Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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