It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you would pick up someone in the library
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
