i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
