I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
