Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
