We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize