You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
