she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
