So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
