nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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