just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize