You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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