Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
