Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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