ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
