he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
