Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
