well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize