oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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