Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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