You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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