guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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