Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
