is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
