I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
