You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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