we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
